Hetalia x self harm male reader

Of course! Just a word from me, I want to say that I sincerely hope that none of you currently or have self-harmed in the past. If you have and stopped, I’m so proud of you <3 Keep going like that and don’t let anyone get you down. If you’re currently self-harming, please please stop. You’re worth so much more than you think. I know it’s easy for me to say these things behind my computer but I’ve said it and I’ll keep saying it. ALL of you are important to me. Every single one of you. If you’re reading this, you’re important to me. Do not ever forget that. And for those of you who have thought or are thinking about starting, please don’t. I promise whatever it is making you think about this will pass, and things will get better. And also, I’d like to say that if it’s a specific person making you feel bad, go up to that little shit and punch the fucker right in the face. You’re all beautiful and awesome people, and I know this because I’m awesome and therefore can recognize other awesome people. And you guys are all awesome. Don’t let ANYONE make you think differently. Ever. No excuses. And if you ever feel like you need to talk to someone about anything, please feel free to send me a message on my messenger! It can be anything! I’ll be glad to be your friend honestly. I’ve done this before when going through a rough patch and am so glad I did. We became friends and talk regularly! It’s worth it trust me. Alrighty! Now to the request!

Allies

America: The afternoon had started off like any other. Building forts together and play fighting with lots of snacks. But then, Alfred started a tickle fight and attacked your sides. Laughing too much to notice the sides of your shirt begin to rise until he suddenly stopped and the room became dead quiet. You could hear a pin drop. When you looked up at him, his face almost made your heart stop. He wore the saddest and most heartbroken expression you had ever seen. You noticed the formation of tears in the corner of his eyes and looked down to see what he was looking at. To your horror, you could see scars from your past of self harm. There were a few of them, all close together. They were small, but you could still remember the reason for each one of them. Some were deeper then others, some fresher. You had never shown them to anyone. You hadn’t done it for attention. You merely needed an escape for the pain. But now here you were, exposed in front Alfred, with no hope of brushing it off or lying.

“W-why? Tell me why.” You could hear his voice crack and this brought tears to your own eyes.

“I just needed a way to let it out. To escape the pain.” You saw a flash of anger and he whipped his face to look at you in the eye.

“You could have come to see me! You could have talked to me about it! Do you not trust me enough?!” He was shouting, and it was scaring you a little. He never yelled, and he rarely ever got mad.

“I didn”t-”  

“Why would you do this to yourself?! Is it so hard to talk to me?!” You remained quiet partly out of fear and partly because you weren’t exactly sure why either. You had thought about it of course. You had wanted to. But you never did. Alfred was quiet now, and when you looked up you could see him looking at you seriously, though you he didn’t look angry anymore. Slowly he began moving towards you and you tensed up. You knew he would never hurt you, it was just an instinct. He walked over to you and crouched down, since you were still sitting. You looked at him wide eyed, while he still had his serious demeanor. He moved in and pulled you into a tight hug, placing your face in his chest with his head on top of yours. He hugged you tightly, like you would disappear if he didn’t and you remained still in shock. Suddenly, you could hear quiet sobbing, and it took a few seconds to realize it was coming from him. Instinctively, you wrapped your arms around him and began to comfort him.

“Shh. Alfred it’s okay. It’s okay. Don’t cry.” At this his sobbing got louder and he clutched you harder.

“I’m the one that;’s supposed to be saying that to you.” He said through his crying. You laughed lightly through the tears.

“Promise me,” he began as he pulled away slightly to look you in the eye,” that the next time you feel sad, even only a little bit. You’ll talk to me. I don’t want you doing that ever again. Okay?” He wiped some tears away.

“Okay. I promise.” You said as you pulled him back in for a hug.

England: It was in the morning. You were having your coffee/tea, and he as always was having his second tea of the day. Or was it the third? You really didn’t even keep track anymore. It was quiet, as both of you left each other with your thoughts. Deciding your drink needed more sugar, you moved your hand out to grab the jar, when Arthur went to place his tea down at the same time. Of course, with your luck, they collided and his hot tea landed all over your hand and up your arm. Gasping in pain, you had tears fill the corner of your eyes. It was burning really badly. England jumped out of his chair.

“Oh no! I’m terribly sorry love! I’ll take care of this right away.” He says as he runs to get a washcloth with cold water. You clutch your arm in pain and start rolling up the sleeves of your shirt so you can wash off the hot liquid. When Arthur comes back, he runs back over to you, and goes to wipe to place the washcloth on your arm. When he looks, he almost drops the cloth as he gasps.

“W-what are those?” He asks, his voice shaky and he looks like he’s trying very hard to contain himself.

You look down to see what he’s talking about, and you see some scars. All of them were from yourself. Most of them were old, but there were a few fresh ones. You sit in silence and stare up at him, not wanting to admit to anything. He gives you a serious look.

“Fine. We’ll get you cleaned up first. But you will tell me after.” He states, as he starts cleaning off the liquid that has cooled down slightly, but the skin is all red. You remove your shirt, leaving you in your tank top. This reveals a few scars that were higher up. You notice Arthur now has a clenched jaw and you take this as a bad sign. What if he didn’t want to be with someone weak like you? Of course, you were the opposite of weak, but this is what you thought. What if he found the scars ugly and decided to leave you? Before you could continue with your negative thoughts, Arthur lifted you up and brought you over to the couch where he sat next to you.

“Now. Explain.”

You fidgeted. No one had ever seen your scars. It wasn’t something you showed people or would talk about. It was personal. But now he had seen them. You remained quiet.

“(Y/n). I’m waiting.” He was staring at you intensely making you even more nervous than you already were. Without wanting them to, tears started to form in your eyes. His eyes widened and he brought you into his chest, holding you and rubbing your back in a soothing manner. “Shh, it’s alright love. Please just tell me why you would do this to yourself.”

Through your quiet sobs, you attempted to explain. “I-I just always t-thought I’m not good enough, for you or for anything. I’m not attractive or smart. I’m not s-special at all! I was scared you would leave me…”

He remained silent for a few moments, still staring at you.

“How could you think that?..I love you so much, I can’t even put it in words. You are the most intelligent and attractive person I’ve ever met, and even if you weren’t, it wouldn’t matter because I’m in love with you and not your appearance. I love everything about you and it hurts me when I think of you feeling this way..so please love. Never do this again, alright?”

You looked at him slightly shocked. “O-okay.” You had stopped crying and Arthur delicately wiped away the remaining tears, “Good,” he said “Now let’s go finish our drinks. Without spilling them this time.” He says as he smiles.

You giggle quietly and nod, taking his hand as you go back to enjoy your morning together.

France: There was the sound of a door opening and closing before a familiar voice called out.“Ma cherie! Où es tu? Je veux voir votre belle visage.” (My dear/darling. Where are you? I want to see your beautiful face.)

You panicked at the sound of his voice. You were currently in the bathroom with a blade in your hand and a fresh cut on your wrist. He wasn’t supposed to be home until later, so you figured you would have time. Trying to be as quiet as possible, you covered the wound and started washing the blade. Unfortunately, despite your effort to be quiet, Francis could hear the sound of the running water and started up the stairs towards the bathroom. Hearing him coming, you went into overdrive and started going double speed to clean everything up. You were able to wash the blade before Francis was at the door knocking.

“Mon amour! (My love) Open the door please!”  

“Uh, just a second!” You shouted as desperately tried to wash off the drops of blood that had landed on the counter and floor. In your rush, you started knocking things off the counter and they fell to the floor, making Francis think something happened to you. He quickly threw the door open and looked at you with an expression of concern.

“Are you alr-” He stopped mid sentence as he saw what you were doing. He saw the blood on the counter and looked confused and worried for a moment before he noticed your frightened expression and the bandage on your arm and put two and two together. His heartbroken expression made you regret what you had done right away.

“I can explain-” He put up a hand to cut you off. He walked over to you and gently held your arm. He lifted up the sleeve slightly so he could see the older scars that were there. He inhaled sharply. He brought your arm up to his lips and started placing light butterfly kisses on each one of your scars.

“You don’t need to explain. I understand. But I don’t want you doing this anymore. You are beautiful and I love you and don’t want you doing this to yourself.” He says in a quiet voice.

“Alright.”

He looks up at you. “Do you promise?”

“…I promise.”

A small smile graced his lips. “Good.” He states before scooping you up into his arms and carries you out of the bathroom.

“What are you doing?!” He looked down at you with a sly look.

“I’m bringing you to show you just how much I love you.” He says, cheekily with a wink. You blush like crazy and can feel your heart already starting to pick up in pace. You had a feeling it was going to be a long night. Not that you minded.

Russia: You had been with the Russian man for a little over a year now, and during all that time, you had never gotten “intimate”. You know. You never frickle frackled. He had never even seen you without a shirt. All you wore was long sleeves. This was slowly starting to worry the man. Was it something he was doing? Were you too embarrassed to let him see you like that? Did you not trust him enough? These questions raced through his mind as he watched you sitting on the couch, watching some Hollywood film that he couldn’t care less about.

“Hey sunflower…”

“Yeah Ivan?” You asked, pausing the show to turn and look at him.

“Is there something wrong?” At this, your eyes widen slightly in surprise. Why would he think such a thing? Had you made it seem that way?

“No of course not! Why would you think that?” You asked, honestly confused.

“Well, we’ve been together for a while, da? And we’ve never..” You picked up on his hint and your entire face went red.

“W-well, I-I uh..no we haven’t, you’re right.”

“Is it because you don’t want to?” He asked, a hint of sadness in his voice and when you looked up at him, he looked really sad and upset.

“No! I mean yes! I don’t know!” Ivan jumped slightly at your outburst not expecting such a response. ‘Well then why,..”he started.

“I just, um. It’s hard to explain.” You tried. But you knew he wouldn’t leave it at that. He wouldn’t let it go until he got a proper explanation.

“You can tell me.” He says, a close eyed smile on his face, his usual childish demeanor coming back.

“I just um, don’t want you to see..some things.” You start slowly.

“Like what?” Still holding his childish smile. You knew he knew this was making you uncomfortable and yet he pressed on. Damn him.

“Like..things.” He sighed and got off the couch walking over to you. You could feel your heart beat increase in speed and slightly panicked. Not because you were afraid he would hurt you but because you were afraid he would find out about your scars. During all the time you’d been together, you were always super careful to make sure to cover all of them to make sure he never saw them. But know he wanted to know. And he wouldn’t stop until he did.

“Sunflower. Do you not trust me?” He asked as he sat down right next to you, his leg touching yours. You had to tilt your head up now to look at his face, since he was so close and due to your difference in height. Even sitting down he was almost a head taller than you.

“Of course I do! What kind of question is that?”

He finally stopped smiling and the sad look returned. “Because you will not tell me what is wrong..” Immediately you felt bad, and you cursed him for having that effect on you.

Knowing you were going to regret this, but not wanting him to think badly of himself, you slowly start to roll up your sleeves. You watch Ivan’s expressions as it as the scars go into view. It goes from blank, to confused and finally angry. His famous purple aura started surrounding him and you felt slightly scared, even though you knew he would never hurt you.

“Who did this?” He asked, standing up and pulling out his metal pipe from inside his jacket that he generally refused to take off. He holds it tightly in his grip like a baseball bat. “I’ll pay them a little visit. Just tell me who it was.” You can hear him start to mutter words in Russian, and you guessed none of them were nice.

“No no! Ivan! No one did this to me! I did it!”

“W-what?” He asked, slowly lowering the pipe until he let it go and it dropped onto the floor with a bang. He looked so confused and sad, like a whipped puppy and it hurt your heart to see the normally strong man so vulnerable. He slowly sat back down on the couch next to you, not taking his eyes off you unless to look down at the scars covering your forearms.

“I, uh. I used to cut myself.”  

“Why?”

“I don’t know…I was just never happy. That’s why I always wear long sleeves. I didn’t want you to see them and think I’m weak.” You said quietly, looking down in shame. Before you could think of anything else to say, the personification of Russia engulfed you in a tight bear hug, with barely any room to breathe. “Um..Ivan?”

“You are not weak. You are a very strong sunflower who was missing the sun for a while.” He said, placing his head on top of yours. The two of you stayed like that for a few moments in silence, as you secretly felt relieved he hadn’t thought you were weak and left you.  

“So..” started Ivan. “Now that I know, are we going to be able to..”

You’re face went fire engine red as you tried not to choke in embarrassment.

(I’m sorry I had to XD)

I won’t be doing China on this ask nor the Axis (I’ll make a separate one for them, because otherwise it would take way too long and I still need to think of ideas for China! Sorry! Hope you like it anyway - and sooooooooo sorry for the wait