Best treatment for autism in the world

Photo credit: somegeekintn

Autism invites its share of quacks. In fact, it might have more quacks in its vicinity than a duck pond. After almost a decade of watching "cures" and "treatments" come and go ... or stay and stay and stay, bafflingly ... I've unconsciously created a list in my head, a la High Fidelity, of the Top 5 Scariest Autism Treatments Ever. And I don't even mean that tongue-in-cheek for Halloween. I mean, these are dangerous in the "can kill you or cause permanent harm" sense. Yet, they remain in use in some circles and flogged by certain organizations who claim a commitment to curing or 'recovering' children from autism. So, from my head to yours:

1. MMS. It stands for Miracle Mineral Solution, but it's really bleach. I know because I tested it myself, destroying a perfectly good cloth napkin in the process. Take a look at what it does to cotton. Now imagine it on the inside of a child's mouth, esophagus, stomach, or intestines--its peddlers encourage its administration as an enema. Horrorshow. Yet not only do parents try this bleach as a "treatment" for their children's autism, but also a major autism conference actually featured a presenter flogging this stuff, and the claim that it "recovered" 38 children in 20 months remains on the conference site as I type this.
2. Chemical castration. Burning off the lining of an autistic child's intestines might seem pretty horrific, but it can pale in comparison to the tragedy that is chemical castration to "treat" autism. I have previously broken down the background of this concept, introduced to the world of autism treatment by the now notorious father-son team of the Geiers. These two, in a 20-year-long run of damage, might now be reaching the end of their particular race. The father has had his medical license stripped in several states. That didn't stop the Geiers père et fils from recently filing a patent for their chemical castration protocol.
3. Chelation. Chelation is the process of using a chemical to strip metal from the blood. It's a good thing if you have mercury poisoning, which autistic people do not have. Yet, the persistent association in some circles between mercury (as a component of the preservative thimerosal) and autism (a leap from MMR, which never contained thimerosal in the US, to "all vaccines," most of which also never did) means that many groups still flog chelation as a treatment. It is not one. One of the metals in our bodies that we need to live is calcium--for example, it keeps our hearts beating--and at least one autistic child has died during a chelation "treatment" because it wiped the child's blood of this life-supporting ion. In the convoluted world of autism and vaccine conspiracy thinking, chemical castration is something that becomes necessary when chelation doesn't work. Yep. If dosing a child with chemicals meant to strip metal from the blood fails to cure autism, the problem is, so goes the idea, that superhigh testosterone levels must be interfering. Hence, chemical castration must then enter the picture to bring those levels down. There is almost no doubt that some autistic children have had all three of these things done to them: bleaching of their intestines, strafing of their blood with chemical sponges for nonexistent heavy metals, and, as a sort of coup d'grace against everything they are, chemical castration.
4. Hyperbaric oxygen therapy. Also a favorite with many of the alt-med-oriented autism organizations, this therapy has been target of an FDA warning to consumers. The bottom line is, laying down a lot of benjamins to subject an autistic child to 'oxygen therapy' is a waste of money, a likely torture to the child, and devoid of effectiveness.
5. Stem cells. Pro tip: If you have to travel outside the FDA purview for a treatment (as people have done for cancer "therapy" outside the US and also do for autism), you might want to think twice about it, or more times if the second thought doesn't convince you otherwise. There's not a strong rationale for using stem cells as therapy for autism--what, exactly, would they be compensating for that's not there?--and although one clinical trial for it is ongoing, as I've written here, that trial is strongly redolent of "autism and stem cells?! Why not?" And you might want to not go to Panama or other places to do a trial on your own child. At least wait for, I dunno, some science?

The list of the scary things people sell to parents to inflict on their autistic children is much longer than this and includes things like camel's milk, antifungals, marijuana, and dolphins. It's likely not a good idea to try any of them at home ... or anywhere else.

[ETA: One person's "scary" can be another person's "that's not so bad," so feel free to comment with your own additions.]

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